Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
