I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
