90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
