I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
