Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
