At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
