Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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