you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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