I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
