i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
