im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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