Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
