Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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