Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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