it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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