Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
