Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
