went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
