Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
