I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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