I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
