Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
