I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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