you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had to cum in my sink.
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