Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
