yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
