So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
