I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
