My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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