I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
