Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
