turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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