i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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