Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
