Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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