She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
