Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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