hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
