When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
