How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
