my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
