someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
