last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
