I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
