Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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