apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
