You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
