Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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