got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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