dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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