I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
