No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
